Journey, In viaggio col dolore

30. MY JOURNEY WITH PAIN. Byron Bay, Australia.

After the assistance and after another group with the Path of Love staff, I took a little vacation. From my written emails, the attention not to make 'efforts' often emerges. The effort is typical of the ego, and I have made many in my life, like all of us.
As a child, to find an identity among all those grown-ups, brothers, and parents. I was struggling as a child among more intelligent, prepared, educated, experienced adults to notice me.
As a young girl, I had to go to classical high school, when it was always evident, from the age of 4, that I was very apt for drawing and from 6 onwards for artistic gymnastics and later for ballet. I was always the best in school and in the private courses I attended.
Over time, as I continued to strive to do things for which I was only relatively capable, it became a habit for me to 'betray' myself and believe I didn't have much value, forgetting my talents and skills. I felt like 'ugly little black Calimero,' like the 'last wheel of the wagon.' And this perception continues still today, despite the applause and people's compliments for my singing. In fact, from the age of 24 to 28, I said a line of sensational 'no' to some 'trains' that passed; record contracts, productions with very famous and talented pop artists, opportunities that would have made me take off as an Italian pop singer. But at the time, it was easier for me to be 'underground,' rebellious, to drink from 7 pm onwards, to be in love with a less talented guitarist who did all the things I didn't know how to do.
In this rebellious, underground, a bit borderline lifestyle, I felt special.
But, returning to Australia, trying not to make an effort broke that chain of lifelong struggling and revealed unexpected vulnerabilities and even unknown parts of me. I was learning to recognize qualities such as passion, courage, and strength. Each of us arrives in the world equipped with beautiful qualities. Our soul shines like a diamond that makes us unique with our essential quality cocktails. One of the inner search steps is to discover these gifts, recognize them, and give them the correct value. Then transmit them to the world through our work, art, actions. Most of the time, they are unconscious qualities, while those of the ego are conscious, but there is no need to be a 'saint' or an enlightened one to recognize our essential uniqueness.
Along with the 'no effort,' I began to give more space to my feminine side, which worked because at one point, I had a certain number of suitors. I was tanned, ate very healthy, and went to a good NSA chiropractor who was a block away from where I lived! And I loved myself in a new way.
Life was indeed a godsend! Bikini with a sarong and 'flip flop' plus a beautiful cowboy straw hat: this was my uniform in Byron Bay, the small Australian town where I lived, near Cape Byron, on the ocean, sacred to the local aborigines who buried their dead and had nicknamed it with a name which, translated, means 'Meeting Place.'
For me, it was Heaven on Earth, also because the 'Ausies' eat gluten-free regularly. In Byron Bay, most of the inhabitants practice meditation, yoga, and a large community of Osho and the Path of Love lives there.
I have memories of this period that I carry indelibly in my memory and my heart, together with many people, especially men! Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Mel Gibson, there, is a relatively 'normal'  beauty. The Australians I met, some hippies, 'organic' etc., etc .... were healthy. They walked naturally 'in grounding,' well placed on the ground. The only ones who wear Bermuda shorts well, because they have everyone, everyone! Tanned calves. Many were walking barefoot on the street, getting out of 70s vans that you didn't understand how they could still get started and circulate. And above all, they have these wild looks, a little scorpion, lost in the infinite, and that left me speechless. It is the Malehood, Masculinity that you find, for example, in the New Zealand rugby team of the 'All Blacks', when, before each game, they do the ritual of the Maori Haka dance. Wow !!! It is not so exasperating, but I felt that kind of primal masculinity that, let's face it, has been lost a little, as some femininity.
I could think with this kind of man: 'Finally, he is the one to take care of it, so I relax and be a princess.'
At that time, I also felt my wild side emerge, untamed and free, mingling with a vulnerable, sweet, fragile, and even regal female, as they have always told me, is my way of walking. In short, how well I was !!!
To get an idea of ​​the particular atmosphere of Byron Bay, its history, its music, its nature, its relaxation, Click HERE
Below, an email I wrote in those days.
25.03. 2009
'Tonight, I went out as usual around 7 to take some pictures. I was undecided, and then I headed for the sea, where I usually go. I was coming from the east, and the sky was dark blue there with the Cap Byron lighthouse in the distance. As I approached the ocean, towards the west, a magnificent sight suddenly appeared to me. The light was pink, and the mountains were barely visible, pearl gray, in the mist.
In the distance came an indistinct sound of percussion, and, as I got closer, I could see more and more to the west the landscape become very contrasted: the mountains from gray became black and the sky from pink to increasingly red, as the sound of the drums approached.
I found me on a natural terrace overlooking the sea where five percussionists were playing. Sitting there, with a nice drum just behind my back, I let myself be carried away by that powerful sound while admiring that magical scenery. A beautiful, skinny little girl with long blond hair danced by the sea, down under the cliff, like a shaman with her legs bent and feet stuck in the earth. That profoundly rooted movement contrasted with the elegance and refinement of her body and her tender age. In the distance, the ocean was massive. Its noise mingled with the drums, and its waves lifted waves of emotion in my belly.
A voice inside said, "I want this," as I watched the red go dark. To the east, the contrast was unspeakable. It was already night, and the lighthouse, the easternmost tip of Australia, pierced my gaze, leaving me without thoughts, words, to look at that unexpected darkness, while in the west, the day was still present in all its glorious presence. I had asked for a sign as I was walking from my house towards the sea.
I embrace you, remembering the sound of the soft and sweet waves of the Boccadasse sea. But that's another story to tell.
'You will feel the most significant experience, you will become ecstatic if you can feel that the whole existence needs you, that you will be missed, that if you are not here, there will be a gap, you will be missed. You are not unnecessary, you are not superfluous, you have tremendous significance.
Hence, love yourself. You are needed as much as the trees, as the flowers, as the birds, as the sun, as the moon, as the stars. You have to be here and you have a right to be the way you are.'



So we can take it slowly
Through the nights I'm growing in life
You can be my always, one and always and we can be just fine
Just fine.
Garret Kato