Journey, In viaggio col dolore

26. MY JOURNEY WITH PAIN. Sauze d'Oulx.

Back from NY, I immediately organized to go back!
I presented the 'Emotionally' project with a concert in a Genoese theater in January 2007 and produced its live recording. It was one of the most satisfying musical experiences for me. Luckily we recorded it!
In March, I was back in NY. I had a lot to do: find the musicians of my new quartet, rehearse, and other essential things.
I still used to go to Chinatown for acupuncture treatments with excellent results. My love story, on the other hand, was always swinging.
As usual, it was all very dynamic, frenetic. I often used to go to a club where they did jam sessions. Singing with anyone was a great way to learn a lot, make myself heard, and get to know people because American musicians don't have the stench under their noses. Sometimes even jazz stars used to come and play some notes in that club where it was possible to eat excellent falafel.
Back in Genoa, I began to think of a new project: a jazz tribute to the Genoese school.
I chose some Milanese musicians, thinking that the reinterpretation in this way could be more objective, but it was not a bright idea. First of all, in Genoa, I would have had the cream of Italian pianists with whom I had already sung for private lessons or work, and above all, I would not have suffered on a human level, apart from the drummer. I felt a certain male chauvinism, even a bit of presumption and envy since I often talked about how beautiful New York was. As a bandleader, producer of the project (and employer!), I felt a bit diminished.
Frankly, it was the first time that I felt so uncomfortable choosing my collaborators, but I couldn't be honest with myself and fire them. I would have felt guilty, while then I learned that rigidity, a characteristic of my character, very often in life, then turned against me. 
Valuing my feelings and intuitions, 'never say never,' and not being afraid of my and others' judgment: this is a basic recipe that I learn after making the same 'mistake' for many years.
One day, in March 2008, I went to Montecarlo by train for a day to rehearse with some of them. On my return, I was tired and noticed that my right knee had swelled and hurt. Thinking back to those rehearsals today, it was clear that the pianist had no idea of the chords, he hadn't prepared himself, and I had made that tiring journey for nothing!
Thanks to the points prescribed by the Chinatown luminary acupuncturist, who was the master of my Genoese doctor, I could be treated very well in Genoa. It took time, but there was some improvement. Unfortunately, however, I began to experience a state of great fear.
Until then, I had a blockage in my right elbow and some fingers, but thinking of not being able to walk, not going where I wanted, and having to depend on others was unthinkable for me!
Despite the emotional blues on the leg and the musicians' choice, a positive thing certainly happened, and today I think the 'high floors guided it.' The debut of this new jazz project was for March 22, 2008, in Sauze d'Oulx, a place particularly dear to me. My parents took me there when I was just 40 days old, and I kept going there for the summer and Christmas holidays. Even today, my grandchildren and great-grandchildren continue this family tradition.
The evening before the concert date, I arrived in Sauze for dinner time. A local friend had told me that we were all invited by Gloria, a friend from Turin who would cook for some friends.
Gloria, like me, always went to Sauze, but we had never met !!!
I spent a beautiful evening, more and more amazed that I had never met, in 48 years, this lovely lady I seemed to have known forever! She practiced yoga and was in the inner search. She came to the concert and the post-concert dinner.
I kept having that leg problem on and off. The next day we met alone, and she told me about Dr. Marc Jubelin and the Network Spinal Analysis, a type of advanced, non-invasive chiropractic for a highly inflamed body like mine.
No sooner said than done. In early April, I started my treatment with the Network Spinal Analysis in Turin. I will later dedicate a chapter to this great doctor and this method of therapy. For the moment, I will say that it is a type of chiropractic that acts on the autonomic nervous system and works on energy blocks. It respects and facilitates the body's intelligence, which programs and organizes itself to always strive for its well-being and self-healing.
I was struck by the humanity of Marc Jubelin, by his preparation and his holistic vision, therefore also spiritual, which provided for a parallel path of 12 stages of healing, very useful for living in the world, realizing and interacting with others. It was a significant chapter in my life, both for my health and for my personal growth. 
The acupuncturist from Genoa told me that it was doing me a lot of good for my posture and that my back had changed. Coupled with the diet that I had been trying to stick to for years now, it seemed that I had found the best way to keep myself healthy, despite the disease.
Without that knee pain, I would never have received the gift of the NSA.
And then that ache passed, thanks to the gift of the NSA.
'Every encounter you make is an encounter with yourself; few seem to realize that the others are them.'
Carl Gustav Jung
After love
which seemed not to end
there is no feeling for me
that I can still hold on to you.
You can't be a friend, I know,
there is no affection that I can keep:
remembering you, I hate you, I hate you.
There are no tears for you,
not a sigh, nothing more I can still
give me a thrill for you of desire,
only hatred burns my heart.
After love
there is no sweetness or pain left,
there is not a veil of regret for you,
not a shadow of sadness for me,
there is no nostalgia or pity,
not a cry that can calm me:
Thinking back, I hate you. I hate you.
The love that passed I will curse
but I will not be able to forgive you.
Everything passes.
Hate remains.
After love, there is hate.
Umberto Bindi